People often ask why we left it so long before having another baby. Often is actually an understatement. Strangers look at Ethan, coo for a bit then pretty much always comment "he's your first?". When I reply 'oh no, I have a 7 year old daughter" 9 times out of 10 their eyes bulge. People are surprised, shocked, even look at me in almost pity. Some people presume that there must have been some medical reason for the "delay", that something must have gone wrong along the way. I mean there's no way we could have actively made the decision to have our children this far apart, right?
Now that I have Ethan I've discovered that there seems to be some unwritten rule regarding baby age gaps. A rule that if you plan to have more than one child you're supposed to do it within a certain, short, timeframe. It seems to be more socially acceptable to have a newborn and a toddler than a teen and a tot.
I understand that people like to have their children to be close in age, so that the siblings can play together, share experiences together. I totally get it. Some woman love being pregnant, have their first and can't wait to have another. I get that too.
What almost upsets me is that I've found that a hell of a lot of people have the attitude of, what feels like, churning out kids to "get it out of the way". Like the baby/toddler years are so hideous that they couldn't possibly contemplate doing it again once their first had started sleeping throughout the night. Like the woman is just a baby making machine and she's gotta job to do and only a certain amount of time to do it. It's best to get all the babies done so that they can get back to their "normal" lives as quickly as possible.
I really don't think there's a right or wrong timescale for having babies. Each to their own. I would never judge a mum that has 3 children under three so it kinda gets my goat that people seem to think it's totally ridiculous that my little ones have 7 years between them.
My husband and I didn't have a plan set in stone to how many children we would like to have. After having our daughter we simply enjoyed our time as a family of 3 and it just so happens that it was 6 years or so before we wanted to add another little Rumble to the clan.
For a while we might have remained as a 3 and we were totally content with that. Other people however weren't.
It also seems that if you decide to have 'just' one child that there must be a medical reason why you haven't got more, like there must be something wrong. That you couldn't possibly choose to have just one child. I even had someone say to me that it was "cruel" to have only one baby. Really.
There's positive and negatives to having both large and small age gaps. One or more children.
Yes, it's tough going back to sleepless nights after enjoying 10 solid hours of shut-eye for a long time (I'm fully aware of this, you don't need to point it out, thanks lovie) but having this age gap is FULL of positives.
I'm able to concentrate fully on my new baby, especially whilst my daughter is at school. I only have one bum to change, one person to wash and dress.
Ellie is a huge, huge help but the best bit is that she really, honestly wants to help. She can watch Ethan so I can shower/hang the washing out/do a wee. She can go and get nappies, wipe his spit-up chin, make him smile, help at bath time and she enjoys every single moment.
She takes her role of big sister very seriously. She doesn't get jealous. She completely understands that if I'm feeding the baby I can't immediately play football or make a loom band dress and matching hat.
She can stop him from crying like no other, sing him songs that make him smile from ear to ear. She doesn't moan or groan if I ask her to do something for me, to go put a poo filled nappy in the nappy bin.
This set up works for us I just wish that some people wouldn't feel we've been foolish and most of all vocalise these thoughts. I would never shake my head, roll my eyes or look a mum with pity for having a mini bus full of toddlers so why do people think it's acceptable to do that to me?
On having Ethan I've been reminded that babies are a complete and utter blessing. I've learnt that we should never ever take the ability to grow a human for granted. That we should enjoy every moment, every explosive nappy, every sick stained T shirt. Most of all I've learnt that every family is different, each situation varies and that there's no right or wrong.
You might have strong opinions on the perfect time scale for popping out your mini-me's but frankly keep these thoughts to yourself, especially when talking to a new mum. (Unless you want your head bitten off).
Having a baby is hard. Really blimin' hard, whether it's your first or your fifth so let's support and encourage each other and keep those negative comments to our well-meaning selves.
Have you got a super large and super small age gap with your kiddies? Do you regret your age gap choices?
Read my post '20 ways you know you're a new mum' here!
Read my post '20 ways you know you're a new mum' here!
Love Emma
XOXO
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